From Zoom meetings to Social Distancing, COVID-19 has had a huge impact on funerals but have there been other, more subtle changes?
Pre-service
One of the first things to be impacted when the coronavirus pandemic hit and we went into lockdown was the immediate absence of face to face meetings in a family home. It was where you could see a family in an environment they felt comfortable in and see photographs of their loved ones and get a feel for what they were like and how the service would be pitched.
I enquired online to a group I am part of, whether any celebrants had noticed more subtle, less obvious changes. A number of celebrants reported that they have noticed themselves ‘going the extra mile ‘ for families to make sure that everything is exactly right. Making numerous phone calls and being in more frequent contact up to the day of the service ‘so families feel like they know me already’ said Jane a celebrant based in the North West.
‘So families feel like they know me’
Jane, a celebrant in the North West
Face to face meetings were quickly replaced by telephone meetings and then the rise of Zoom meetings, and now we must wonder sometimes how we managed before. Of course, without Zoom or Skype, we celebrants are left with that awkward approach to a stranger on the day of the service saying ‘ You’re not xxx by any chance? ‘ and then instantly resisting the urge to shake hands or hug as we would naturally do.
One very welcome change that has come about, is that members of the public have been showing their respect by bowing to a passing hearse or removing headwear. This was, of course, quite the tradition many years ago but has seen a mini revival in current times.
During the service
And the social distancing that has been forced on us has impacted in other ways. It was heartbreaking at a recent service to see a mother sitting 6 feet away from her daughter, grieving the loss of her husband and neither could do anything to comfort the other.
At the crematorium, I for one, have noticed that fewer families have been opting to have a printed Order of Service sheet. This may be because Order of Service sheets, if they are ordered from a professional printer usually come with a minimum order of 20 and increase in batches of 20. No use if there are only 6-10 people allowed to attend.
What has happened more is that families have taken the decision to self-print, sometimes printing the entire eulogy in booklet form so they can follow along and send a copy off to those unable to attend.
In terms of the eulogy itself, I have noticed a number of families opting to write a shortened version of the eulogy themselves to be read out. Their argument ?
‘There’s no point going into detail about their life. Everyone there knew about it anyway.’
This isn’t meant in an uncaring or brutal way. The family are acutely aware that the service they are having is not what they would have wanted. They are doing the best they can in extreme circumstances and the eulogy is, quite often to the point and matter-of-fact.
In the pre-Covid services when the crematorium is full of mourners, ready to celebrate the life of a much-loved relative, you can sense an energy and feed off it, like a performer on stage. Lately, it has felt increasingly difficult to engage with only up to 10 mourners in attendance.
Post-service
There is a feeling that, if a family is doubly unfortunate to lose a loved one anyway and to lose them during lockdown, they are resigned to the fact that the funeral is more of a symbolic gesture. It is something that society expects of them. And whilst previously the service could be an occasion to celebrate and maybe even enjoy a laugh together, the family is resigned to the fact that they should plan a memorial service for ‘When all this is over ‘ and they can say a proper farewell.
There is no doubt that the Covid 19 pandemic will have left its’ mark throughout our society at many levels by the time it is over. Funeral services are just a small part of that, but we, as funeral service professionals have had to adapt and families too have had to do the same.
One thing is for certain, when all this is finally over, things will look very different indeed.