COVID19 has just about rewritten the rule book on how to grieve during the recent pandemic.
As a result of the COVID19 fallout, many will experience ‘disenfranchised grief’, a term that describes the feeling of loss when what has been lost is something not recognised by society with the same significance as a loved one. We are conditioned to comfort grieving sons, daughters, siblings, parents, and friends because it is the societal norm. But what if you have lost the chance to celebrate a significant event, or lost a job, or savings? Or a combination of these? The feelings of loss and powerlessness are just as real.
In my recent post https://celebrantglynbawden.com/six-surprising-reasons-why-covid19-is-worse-than-we-imagined/ I looked at ways in which people are currently experiencing grief that are not necessarily related to death as we would expect, but nevertheless to a feeling of loss.
If you have experienced one or even a combination of those losses, then your sense of grief is very real indeed, and as with any loss, there are ways in which you need to deal with it.
Dealing with your loss
Acknowledge your grief
It is important to recognize that you are grieving and to give yourself permission to grieve and allow your emotions free rein, and accept that grief is not a simple, linear experience. Don’t compare your own feelings of loss to anyone else’s. We all grieve differently and grief will manifest itself differently for every one of us. The five stages of grief identified by Kubler-Ross https://www.verywellmind.com/five-stages-of-grief-4175361 may well exist and you may experience all of them but they aren’t necessarily sequential and how long each one lasts is impossible to define. What is important is that you begin the grieving process freely and without guilt.
Write down or record how you feel
Keeping a journal, noting your feelings day by day can help let the feelings out, or writing a letter even if you don’t intend to send it. With iPhones to hand, it would be easy to record a video diary of your feelings even if you delete them later.
Know your triggers
Because grief is not something that can be easily controlled, it may help if you identify triggers that set off the overwhelming waves when they occur. Maybe it’s a tune you liked or a place you visited. Knowing the triggers can go a long way to dealing with your loss.
Establish or maintain a routine
It may seem like the hardest thing imaginable to go back to a normal routine when you have suffered the trauma of loss, but even though you may feel like closing all the windows and doors, curling up beneath a blanket and doing nothing, that will only focus all your attention on your loss. Establishing a routine or getting back to your old one doesn’t mean you are uncaring or insensitive. It gives your life meaning and a sense of purpose that may otherwise be lacking.
Eat and sleep properly
Look after yourself and your health throughout any period of grieving or loss. It’s easier said than done, when you lose the urge to eat at normal times or have difficulty sleeping. See your GP if you can’t sleep, or try other remedies but sleep is vital if you are to come through.
Share your feelings with others
‘A problem shared is a problem halved’ as the saying goes. And never was a truer phrase spoken. Keeping feelings bottled up will potentially lead to more serious issues down the line. Certainly in the current climate it wouldn’t be too difficult to find someone in a similar situation where you could offload to one another.
If that’s not possible then contact any one of the agencies who offer help freely like The Samaritans( https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/contact-samaritan/ ) or Crisis Text Line ( https://www.crisistextline.uk/ ).
Whatever happens we shouldn’t underestimate our feelings of loss, or feel any guilt. Feelings of grief and loss, if left untended and unaddressed can lead to far more serious mental health issues and because we are all experiencing losses on a far greater, collective scale than any of us can recall, we need to be mindful of how important it is to recognise and deal with these feelings when they arise.