If we were to go back in time 100 or more years and be expected to attend a funeral, there would be precious few alternatives to what we would be expected to wear. It would be uniformly black; suit, tie, and hat and black dresses for the ladies. English funerals were firmly rooted in Victorian tradition and there they stayed for decades. And even today we can see the echoes of those formalities filtering through to our services as funeral directors walk slowly before the hearse dressed in their pinstripe trousers, tailcoat, and top-hat, sometimes even clutching a silver-topped cane. looking like a scene from the 60s classic ‘Oliver’.
And why not?
After all, it’s a funeral and that’s what we’ve come to expect, isn’t it?
Since I started taking funeral services as a celebrant a few years ago, I’ve noticed very subtle but distinct changes. I always make a point of asking the family what the dress code is and if the deceased was 80-90 or more then tradition continues to lead the way and it’s a black tie. However, it is noticeable that as the age decreases then changes begin to slip in; coloured ties being the most noticeable, or wearing the deceased’s favourite colour, the changes are there for all to see.
And the changes are there throughout the funeral world. Funeral directors are striking out in all directions to be different. There is no longer a ‘one size fits all’ approach. Coffins come in all types, the service is your choice, the music is your choice, what is said about the deceased is your choice, even the type of service is your choice; direct cremation, live streaming, even a Do It Yourself service.
Progress is all well and good and completely unavoidable but where is the line to be drawn, if a line is to be drawn at all?
I have already taken services where a mourner has appeared in T shirt and shorts and one where everyone was asked to come in hoody and jeans because that’s what the deceased wore every day.
But where, if anywhere, should the line be drawn?
Progress is inevitable and it will be interesting to see what subtle changes funeral directors make in the oncoming years, if any. I think, regardless of the person’s age or demographic then the funeral garb of the funeral director lends a necessary solemnity and gravitas to what is, ultimately, a sad occasion. It would be sad if we were to fast forward 20 or 30 years to see services attended by everyone in T shirts and jeans. Funerals can be celebrations of life too but should it be at any cost?